Monday, February 16, 2009

Doesn’t time fly? A cliché but true. It is already two weeks since I last blogged. [Forgive me father. I’ll say two hail marys.]

A question for those who have published their writing out there: did you always feel you had “a story in you that had to get out”? Or was it more a hunch that you might be able to write? Something you’d like to do?

I am an aspiring/emergent writer. [Emergent - what does that mean? Do I need a chrysalis?] I used to write a lot when I was younger – maudlin, massively depressing stuff. When I sit down to write there are a lot of blank pages, unless I have an ‘exercise’. Then, it usually flows. Sometimes, especially if I am writing ignoring my internal, constant, irritating editor/censor, the stuff I write amazes me. I wouldn’t have thought that was me.

I suppose I am unsure about myself and my abilities. I get daunted. There is sooooooo much out there. Can I contribute anything of quality? Will anyone read it? I suppose I am asking: do you keep pursuing the idea in the face of uncertainty?

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Comprehensive garbage

I think insurance companies need some lessons in English. Last time I looked, the word comprehensive meant something like: everything. I was under the impression when you took out comprehensive insurance everything was covered.

Let’s see, comprehensive: according to my thesaurus – complete, inclusive, full, all-inclusive, across-the-board, broad, ample, wide-ranging.

On the weekend we did some gardening. This included some whipper-snipping. [An activity using a mechanical, petrol-driven device which rapidly spins a thin nylon cord around and cuts off weeds/trims edges] Grass, weeds and debris went flying! Unfortunately so did a couple of stones, their trajectory brutally terminated by the liquid silica barriers in our station wagon. That’s right folks: glass was broken. And not just one screen, oh no, TWO were broken.

Oh joy! I didn’t panic though, we have comprehensive insurance. HAH! We had been putting up with a crack in the front windscreen for quite some time so I thought we may as well claim all three on said insurance.

This morning I rang the insurance company to discuss it. We have a good insurance company; it’s through our wonderful bank. [Just a moment whilst I remove my tongue from my cheek]

The poor sweet boy who answered my call blithely told me that on our COMPREHENSIVE insurance policy, windscreens were an optional extra. Oh, we could still claim them on our insurance policy but we would have to pay the $400 excess.

WHAT!?! I said to him that I didn’t think the Department of Transport considered my windscreens an optional extra when assessing the roadworthiness of my vehicle. What was that about comprehensive? But as we had three to replace could he tell me how to go about it.

He passed my on to the person who could tell me how to proceed with my claim.

Next in the firing line: a young girl who confirmed the above conversation. She also asked “how did I break THREE windscreens? Was it all at the same time?”

Now, I must admit, alarm bells did tinkle in the nether reaches of my mind but I was raised to be truthful. The lessons are still imprinted on my behind and other parts of my body – mother was a stern disciplinarian. Lying was not an option. If you lied, the hiding was worse. So I told her a brief version of the story. She replied “well that’s two claims and you’ll have to pay excess on both”.

You pay insurance companies thousands of dollars over the years, so that if something goes wrong you have help. You don’t make any claims for years. Then when you need them, they say only if you pay twice and if you are lucky. Geez, if anyone else were to do that it would be called fraud.

Helloooo blogsphere!

Well, this is my first time! I've never done this before. [blush] I mean, I'm a good girl. [moue, legs crossed, hands folded, please ignore the fishnets and stilettos] My mother always said don't talk to strangers, so I don't.

Life has been very silent.

So, here I am, starting my very own blog. What does one write about? Does one dribble at the metaphorical mouth? Does one rant and rave? I am supposed to be here to do the hard yards of creating a following as I am wanting to be a writer. I am actually writing my first book! Hard to believe I know. Sort of like going to Hollywood and saying "I want to be a movie star. I'm going to my first audition".

It has been suggested that this is what one does to get ahead. I thought one just called Divine Brown. Oh! Silly me, that's 'a head' not 'ahead'.

But back to what to write about. The guru who proposed all this said to be as honest and as frank as I can be. Well without going to the deed poll this is what you'll get - tjmac.

As I said on my profile, I am currently VERY disillusioned with politicians. We here in Australia, mate [That's obligatory, you know. I think it might even be hyphenated.], had a change of government just over a year ago. I helped. I really disliked John Howard. I believe he is related to a race of malignant gnomes who go about stealing people's civil liberties, selling our natural resources to the lowest bidder and posing with as many sporting celebrities as they can. Shit, as my estwhile husband said "even a blind drover's dog could have led Australia's economy during the eleven years he [Howard] was in. Americans were borrowing 150% on their assets and buying stuff from China. China's production (and economy) was booming. They had to buy the raw materials from somewhere due to their not having the infrastructure to mine their own. Australia won that lottery. Howard was in the right place at the right time".
Then the Australian public finally had enough of the little @#!! and elected Rudd with a massive mandate to do something about the environment and worker's rights. Labor got into office, found out what was really going on, hit the public servants bureaucratic brick wall and blanched. Poor bastards. But I am still disillusioned. They had a real mandate. Mind you the Australian public is likely to bite the arse that tries to free them. Just look at Gough.

But anyhooo.

So now the USA has a shiny new president. Looks good, does Barack Obama. Mind you, next to George W Bush, a plaster garden gnome would look intelligent. Maybe that's why Little Johnnie and George got on so well.

Back to Barack: he's looking a little paler too. Has he hit the bureaucratic brick wall yet? Or are they being nice to him for a little while? Good luck, Obama. You are going to need it. You've been offered a mission, these instructions will self-destruct in 15 seconds...dump dump dump daaadump twidle deeeee twidle deeeee